Judith Stone, Tower of Strength
Judith Bourne was a Chicago Southside kid of the 1950s who grew up with a particular blueprint for how life’s expectations worked, and what the rules were for traveling though life.
It seems odd now. Maybe she grew up with a childhood that citizens of the 21st century might not even recognize.
“I was a just a keep on, keeping on sort of girl,” she says, which means that when her mom, Martha, put a quarter in her hand for public transportation – she boarded the right bus; she headed for the Loop; did her approved shopping; found the right bus back home and then returned. She was the oldest of three and she had duties.
Simple. “Keep on keeping on,” she repeats for emphasis as her bright, blue eyes sparkle.
The path of “keeping on” led her to the gentle cornfields of Grinnell, Iowa, and the little town’s liberal arts college namesake.
That was a decade later. She loved it there. “Room and freedom,” she says.
She found a young Kansan, Judson Stone, there, too. They fell in love, graduated, married, produced two sons and launched their careers of
service – he as a manager of mental health centers, and she as leader of social
service agencies.
But then, the event occurred that would divert the path of Judith Stone forever. In some ways, she is still on that path. Citizens of Barrington who don’t know Judith Stone personally are likely to know one fact about her. She spends that life in a motorized wheelchair. She’s been in the chair for 15 years, which is the last in a period of 50 years dealing with the
multiple sclerosis.
But Judith Stone is not the poster child for any illness and never was, although 20 years of service to charities and philanthropies in Barrington have not dulled the memory when the doctor said those words: Multiple sclerosis.
“I was just literally out of grad school in Ann Arbor (University of Michigan) when I went to a doctor,” she recalls. “He said it, and I was just devastated. It was like the end of the world. I thought, well, I might as well kill myself, but I didn’t, you know? But it felt that I was going to be a burden to everyone.”
She wasn’t. In fact, she had contracted the degenerative condition years before it was diagnosed. This was the “remitting-relapsing” variety introduced to popular culture by “President Bartlett” of television’s “West Wing” fame. It would creep up to dull her senses and steal her strength, agility and independence in intermittent steps, sometimes large and sometimes so tiny no one could diagnose the change. It would be her life, but she vowed it would not define her.
“You are down some months, then you bounced back. The effect of it is cumulative.”
That cumulative effect now means she must have 24-hour care to live a semblance of a mobile life. She can no longer drive. “No strength in the arms,” she says ruefully.
Worse, she can no longer cook. “I am a great cook, but what I do now is tell people to mix that with this, and don’t cook that too long.” The joy of physical skills dissipates with immobility.
She suspects that her many mobile friends don’t quite understand how fundamental choices are denied by her condition. Things like getting out of bed. Feeding herself. Going somewhere alone. Things that look like ordinary life.
For all the physical experience that has been denied her, she transferred her vigor to community service, primarily Barrington Youth & Family Services. The pace of that commitment expanded after she lost her husband to illness 24 years ago, just after they had moved to town. The service has filled her life, along with four grandchildren and the two sons who both live close.
“We (with BYFS) reach a lot of families who, without us, would not get helped,” she says. “It means a lot to be able to do that.”
But she tends to be involved everywhere someone needs her.
“Everybody has got worse things in their lives that sitting in this chair,” she says. “As you get older, you see how options close in on people. I know a lot of people who are struggling with economic issues, relationships,
children, health problems. As for me, I am just as I am. What you sees is what yous gets.”
And there is not a hint of self-pity. She laughs at the very idea of it. She mocks it.
Rather, she secretly relishes the role of gentle but insistent nag about
access issues for the disabled. She presses the village to make new real estate developments disabled friendly, and she remembers when there were so few disabled citizens visible on the street that observers might have thought they did not exist in Barrington.
“Do I sometimes shake my fist at the sky and wish things had been different?” Yes, she admits. “Well, of course. Would I have liked to earn what I could at the top of my game? Yes. Do I wish I had curly hair? Sure. But you gotta do with what you’ve got.”
You gotta, she says with a wink of her blue peepers, gotta get on with getting on.
Here are some words that others shared about Judith Stone.
Ginny Beck, Fellow Volunteer
I know Judith through my association with Friends of Home of the Sparrow. Judith is an inspiration to everyone who meets her. Her dedication to what she believes in, as well as her straight-forward approach to a situation, make working with Judith an exhilarating effort.
Judith brings knowledge, consistency, humor, dedication and untiring effort to any project she works on. I would consider Judith a mentor to me and she has helped me immensely in my positions at Friends of Home of the Sparrow.
If you need someone to pick up the slack, that’s Judith. Numerous times she has talked and walked me through a situation that I found baffling.
Judith is a gem. I have always known she was special and I am a better person for having met her. It is an honor to be asked to say something about Judith.
Jan Broughton, Fellow Volunteer
Judith was one of the first people I met when I moved to the Barrington area. She and I volunteered together at the Home of the Sparrow office. She was outgoing, fun, and very interesting, but most of all, she was dedicated to helping those less fortunate. I have served on the board of Friends of Home of the Sparrow with Judith for years and have always been impressed by her tenacity, especially given her disability. At one time, she served not only as president of Friends of Home of the Sparrow, but also president of the Barrington Youth & Family Services at the same time! She is kind, generous, amazingly resourceful and seems to have an immense amount of energy. Judith is a dedicated mother, grandmother and the quintessential volunteer. I feel honored to know her and to have served alongside her all these years.
Janice Farrell, Fellow Volunteer
I am the volunteer coordinator for Hospice and Palliative Care of Northeastern Illinois. Judith has been volunteering with our agency since October 2003. Judith’s social work background has been an asset to all of the departments at the agency, and she has been instrumental in the start up of several of our new programs, including the Helping Hands of Hospice (teen volunteers) and our new “Tuck-In Program” that ensures patients have needed supplies for the weekends. She was honored with our agency’s Commitment to Caring Award in 2004. Judith is enthusiastic, dependable, and extremely detail oriented. Her unique sense of humor makes working with her a pleasurable experience!
Karen Darch, President, Village of Barrington
I met Judith when she served on the Village of Barrington Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) subcommittee in the late 1990s. I got to know her as we worked on that subcommittee over multiple years and we have crossed paths many times since.
Judith has always impressed me as a woman who is determined to do her best at whatever she does, and a lot of what she does is give back. She has selflessly shared her time and knowledge to help others. On the ADA subcommittee, her perspective as one who needed to navigate her wheelchair around the Village was invaluable in understanding what we needed to improve. Her leadership as chairwoman of the Barrington Youth & Family Services board, and her support for other charitable causes in our area are nothing short of inspiring. She has devoted her life to reaching out to those in need and is joyful in doing so.
Mary Anne Flahaven, Fellow Volunteer
I first met Judith through one of her many volunteering efforts and was inspired by her passion to help those in need – both the young and the old. When Judith comes to my mind, I think of an independent, caring person who shares her wisdom and tirelessly works to improve the community.
Judith is such a positive force at Hospice and Palliative Care of Northeastern Illinois. She is upbeat, motivating, a great listener, and a fantastic guidance provider. I find it amazing that while she divides her time between numerous worthy organizations in the area, with each one she dedicates herself as if it were her only cause. It’s Judith’s way to make each person feel special.
I have been fortunate to have known Judith for more than nine years, and she continues to challenge and inspire me daily. In my own life, when I run into obstacles, I look to Judith as an example for overcoming them with courage and grace. May every community be fortunate to have someone like Judith Stone as a citizen.
Margie Lindsey, Neighbor
I met Judith about 18 years ago when I moved to Barrington, as she is my next door neighbor. We soon became friends as she was so welcoming and freely gave much sage advice. When I had my third child, Judith graciously offered to help watch her when I worked, and to say I was thrilled was an understatement! She gave my daughter so many opportunities for growth, as Judith was busy each day on some type of volunteer project, and often took my daughter, Erin, along. What a comfort it was to know my daughter was well-cared for, stimulated and safe under Judith’s watchful eye. We’ve shared many fun times gathering at her house to celebrate birthdays and holidays. Judith has a very special place in the heart of my family.
Judith is a beyond exceptional role-model because of her perseverance and inspiring attitude on life. Never one to complain or grumble, she patiently listens to others, and then sets them straight back on course, as she is a great mentor who freely shares her life experiences. Intelligence, fair-minded, non-judgmental, and modesty are all qualities she possesses. The power of her presence and strength of her insights have blessed so many people over the years, not only through her charitable works, but throughout her long career as a social worker.
Judith is selfless and feisty. She has given an enormous amount of energy and time to the many organizations she’s involved in, from Home of the Sparrow, Hospice and Palliative Care of Northeastern Illinois, and Barrington Youth & Family Services. It is her feisty can-do attitude that challenges us all to think, do, and be a little better, every day of our lives. We are all enriched to have her as a part of our community.
Sally Russo, Friend
I first encountered Judith Stone in 1976, when she was director of the Interdisciplinary Project on Child Abuse and Neglect at the University of Michigan Hospital. I was her student social work intern. There were doctors, psychologists, nurses, ministers and other social workers on the research project. People were often difficult and arrogant, as it was the first time that hospital professionals had to work on a project where hierarchy didn’t count.
Judith was a strong, compelling and wise leader, empowering each discipline to contribute its best.
Visiting Barrington, I’ve seen Judith’s tremendous commitment to her community’s welfare in her volunteer work as a board member for House of the Sparrow and Barrington’s Youth & Family Services; and twice weekly visits to the Hospice. She is tireless in her efforts and spends many hours at home devising practical solutions to challenges. She is a fabulous problem-solver.
Judith has a beautiful and unique aesthetic sense (one needs to visit her home to see her whizz around in her wheelchair in the lovely spaces she has created there). Although confined to a wheelchair, she wears jazzy clothes made by a willing friend that are original and emphasize her attractiveness.
Judith’s foremost passion is her family of sons, daughters-in-law, and grandchildren. She also has been to me a most devoted friend with weekly conversations sharing family stories, political critiques, books, and films. Judith, a proud Grinnell graduate, has a powerful intellect and wit, and uses them to be critical in a direct, honest, humorous way. “Give me a break!” is the goad she uses to keep me from being too self-indulgent about life’s hard moments.
As my husband, Joseph, also Judith’s friend over these years says: “Judith’s singularity is beyond words.” We have counted on her as a beloved sister along life’s way.
Siobhan White, Director of Programs, Hospice and Palliative Care of Northeastern Illinois.
Judith is a Hospice volunteer. She was named the Outstanding Volunteer at the agency’s annual meeting in 2009. She currently works to train and mentor new volunteers, she provides support in the assessment of the social work staff and guidance in the development of new programming. She attends weekly team meetings as the volunteer representative. To me, Judith is a social worker in every good sense of the words. While I can feel Judith rolling her eyes at any mention of her work and the life of Jane Addams – I do see many comparisons. Judith is a true believer in the work: advocating for the sick, the poor, children and families, the disabled and the disenfranchised. She believes in the obligation of all to work towards the improvement of their community, and she makes you a believer, too.
When I stumble or hesitate or God forbid whine, Judith will roll into my office with an exasperated expression and declare, “You know my dear,” she’ll start, and continue with a gentle (or not so gentle) prod on the need to do better and be better.
We, at HPCNI, are very proud to count Judith as a supporter of our work in the Barrington community and I consider myself truly blessed to consider her a friend.
Rochelle Schulman, Executive Director, BYFS
Judith Stone is a tower of strength that she has used for the benefit of Barrington Youth & Family Services and the entire Barrington community. I have had the pleasure, and I cannot overemphasize the word pleasure, of knowing Judith for the past 20 years. Judith possesses two wonderful attributes that are rare and fine which make her the remarkable woman she is: a deeply loving heart and the drive to do her best for every task she undertakes.
Judith has been a volunteer member of the BYFS board for eight years and president of our board for four. There is nothing this woman can’t do! As board president of BYFS, she is a driving force of the agency and its programs. She has been a great support to me and the agency, and
always finds time when there is an issue that needs to be addressed. I consider her not only my colleague, as BYFS’ board president – I consider her a
cherished friend.
Joanne Wiertella, Friend
Judy and I have been friends for 50 years – through births of babies, raising children, illness, and the deaths of loved ones. We have laughed, advised, cried together, and supported each other. As a person, Judith has strength and staying power. As a professional (social worker), she has
offered these talents in service to her family, friends and community for all her adult life. She is most deserving of this QB Magazine honor.
David Rutter is the editorial director of Quintessential Media.
Publisher’s Note: Quintessential PeopleTM is a heartfelt collaboration between our publication and portrait artist Thomas Balsamo. Our goal is to share with you exceptional images and words that ring true about some of the finest, most inspiring people in the community. For more information about Quintessential PeopleTM, contact QB at www.QBarrington.com or Thomas Balsamo (Portraits by Thomas) at 847-381-7710 or www.portraitsbythomas.com